Thursday, January 21, 2010

Feelings?I bury them.

Lately I've been feeling like a need to change.I dont know what exactly I wanna change, but I know something needs to change. I feel this urgent need to move to Cali, L.A as a matter of fact. Yes I know the born and raised New York girl movin to the west coast which is basically considered a sin here in NYC, but I feel there is something out there for me. I told my mom that Im thinking about dedicating my life to music on the car ride home from bestbuy and her response wasnt exactly what I've been hoping for. Because there wasnt a response at all. She just said my vocal voice is getting better.So I guess I have her blessing...



ALSO

Apart of this change is my apperance. I wanna be pretty. And please dont leave me one of those"But Angie you are soo pretty" comments because I wont believe you for

1.) You're my friend and you are being nice

2.)For pity



and I want NEITHER!!!



I've been getting into makeup alot lately to well make up for what Im lacking. Dont you believe the word"make up" is a dis in itself? Beacause you are making up for the beauty you dont have.



I was once one of those gals who wouldnt care abt makeup and I thought I was better off without it,but now my self esteem is going back to that dark place it was in high school.AND I CANT GO BACK THERE AGAIN!

But how else can I fix these feeling unless I work towards a prettier me which means being less low maitainence and bobby pinning my hair back as my go to look for school and actually style it. And perhaps to wear more makeup besides mascara,lipgloss and liquid eyeliner.


soundtrack to my life right now:::
ofcourse it is....
I have the lyrics posted below beceause Jewel is more then a singer she's a poet and she herself even said its important for the listener to pay attn to her lyrics (or she said something like that dont quote me!!)and to unbderstand her art you really have to read the lyrics




Lyrics :
a man stands in the doorway like a small child
angry fists
she lies in her bed her head buried in her pillow
she stares at the moon
he speaks to her all the words she's heard too many times before
and pretty soon she just lets his voice fade away
she thinks
this was a gradual steel frost that started with cold feet
but ended with numb hearts
it was once satisfying sex, but now no longer is
it was once filled with all the possibilities of new china or old stone
but now it's exaggerated and water-logged
no longer what these hands had intended and still I cry in my sleep

he always said I was too sensitive
but I say, at least I never meant to make him cry
at least I never meant to make him hurt that way
no, I never meant to make him cry
I never meant to make you hurt that way

yes it's true, I'm too sensitive but
he takes pleasure in my pain
yes it's true, I'm too sensitive but
he takes pleasure in my pain

and the unheard hours they fly by, she goes to the window
puts on a nightgown and brushes her hair
he's already asleep by the time she goes to lay back down
she thinks, my god, what I am doing here

her bones have grown tired of his hunger, of his grey eyes
and I feel that if I were to stay one more night here I'd die, or explode, or worse yet, just fade away
he always said I was too sensitive
if I dared to care so much, the world could kill me that way
I wonder if he's only half alive or if he simply has always been this inarticulate

but I say, at least I never meant to make him cry
at least I never meant to make him hurt that way
no, I never meant to make him cry
I never meant to make him hurt that way

yes it's true, I'm too sensitive but
he takes pleasure in my pain
yes it's true, I'm too sensitive but
he takes pleasure in my pain

she gets out of bed and looks at her feet as though they were the wings for her freedom
she gets up and goes to the drawer
it's a moment in which anything can happen
instead she gets out some clothing, puts them in a bag
and leaves him sleeping while she heads for the door

5 comments:

  1. Hmmm... you know what I want to say but I know, I know - it doesn't mean anything because I am your friend.

    And I like you natural. That doesn't mean I wouldn't like you with makeup on though. The two doesn't matter but what's really important (OMG BARNEY MOMENT) ... is that you love yourself. LMAO!!! I know but I swear to god, I mean it. I really hope that you will love yourself, because you can be a little crazy and blunt like a mothafucka (lmao) but seriously you're unique and that's what makes you awesome. But seriously Angela, you are a beautiful girl and not just because of that inside bullshit.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I realized I speak with a different tone with you, lol. Compared to how I would really talk to most people, lol.

    ReplyDelete
  3. LMAOO
    but srsly thank youzz
    and how do you normally speak to your friends?
    but i do enjoy the Barney moment roflmao
    <3

    ReplyDelete
  4. ooh well you know ima classy chick who likes to curse

    ReplyDelete