Ok OK I know I'm pretty picky. when it comes to a lot of things. Yes I want a cup of coffee but there is now way I'm have a sip of your decaf. Yes I need new jeans but if they aren't super skinny jeans from urban outfitters umm yea I'm not wearing them.
I need to switch up my mentality and mind set. Its quite unhealthy. Because at the end of the day there is always something that we can "pick"at to make us unhappy. Like for me and the whole boyfriend sitch for instance. At first I thought the reason to why I'm always single is that perhaps I'm not very attractive. And I still do believe that and NO this isn't a call for pity and for me to indulge is some harmless self loathing but its what I firmly believe still to do this. I mean srsly. Anywhoozer if I keep being picky I'm never going to meet/do anything and once when I started to let my guard down and make progress on my cynicism an asshole finds away to fuck with my mental state of mind which is too personal to write about here only one person knows what I'm talking about and I'm sure she is reading it:) thx btw :)
This year my new years resolution is clarity and funny thing is two months in the new year and guess what my life is far from clear right now.
this post I have been writing and editing for abt 1-2 weeks so I can't write on this topic anymore because my head was in a diff place.Asyou can see in the first pargraph or so I was more potimistic but towards the end it went back to being cynical.And to think I was actually feeling that yes, I should give ppl a chance and be less picky until yesterday which basically confirmed that I was making the right choice by sending ppl away ,not giving them the chance and staying away from people.
If ppl only knew how much their actions affect people. I'm sure ppl wouldn't hit on ppl as much, maybe they would and just not care despite the emotional baggage the person they are hitting on may have. And also despite how their actions can cause them to relapse and remember all they wanted to forget.
For some reason Im real anxious over the silliest thing and Im sure Im making a bigger deal out of it then what it really is.I feel like I'm the overdramtic princess right now and I'm normally the ice queen. I like being the ice queen too. She keeps me safe.
I thought I woulkd get over this but its been haunting me in school and I been shaking in class for no reason and I'm out of harms way there.
Im sorry for anymone reading this bc no lie I feel like I'm being soo dramatic and I hate dramatic ppl. Im the fkn ice princess what happened?